What Is the Shadow? A Somatic Approach to Jung’s Wisdom.
Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate.
- Carl Jung
This quote hit me like a truth bomb five years ago at the beginning of my coaching journey. It stayed with me, and it shaped how I show up in this work. In this article, I want to unpack what this means, especially from a
somatic (body-based) perspective. Because
shadow work isn’t just psychological theory, it’s also
nervous system work,
emotional memory, and the way you hold yourself inside your own body. Let’s explore what the shadow is, why it matters, and how we begin to reclaim the parts of ourselves we've hidden away.
What Is the Shadow?
Carl Jung coined the term shadow to describe the unconscious parts of ourselves we’ve repressed, often because we learned they weren’t safe to express in the environments we grew up in.
These might be your boldness, your anger, your sensuality, your grief. These qualities are not inherently bad or broken. They’re simply the pieces of you that were labelled “too much,” “not enough,” or “unloveable”, so you tucked them away.
Once hidden, the shadow doesn’t disappear. It silently runs the show from beneath the surface. The body stores what the mind tries to forget.
Consciousness Explained: A Kitchen Metaphor.
Picture your consciousness like an open-concept kitchen. You can see what’s happening, your thoughts, emotions, and memories are right there.
Now, imagine a door to the dining room. What’s behind it? That’s your unconscious. The part you can’t see, but that influences everything on the menu.
The classic iceberg analogy applies too: Your conscious mind is the tip above water. The shadow? That massive glacier underneath. It’s the one that sank the Titanic, and it can steer your relationships, reactions, and self-worth without you even knowing.
Studies suggest that
up to 95% of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours come from the unconscious. That means only 5% of what we do is fully conscious.
The Shadow and Intimacy: Why It Matters More Than You Think.
If 95% of your inner world operates unconsciously, guess what? That includes how you show up in love, sex, and relationships.
The shadow holds the parts of you that long to be seen but also fear rejection. Without awareness, you only bring 5% of yourself into connection, the “safe” or “acceptable” version. That leaves very little room for real intimacy.
You might say, “I want deep love,” while simultaneously hiding the very parts that would allow that love to land.
Shadow work helps you close that gap.
It invites the messy, tender, hidden parts of you into the light, so that you can be fully seen, loved, and connected in a way that feels nourishing and real.
How the Shadow Is Born.
As children, we’ll do anything to keep a connection. If that means silencing your anger, shrinking your joy, or hiding your needs, you’ll do it to feel safe. You got praise for being polite and quiet. Your big emotions led to punishment or disconnection. So, you learned to shut them down. And over time, they moved into the shadow.
The brilliant survival strategies you created in childhood, pleasing others, numbing your body, and avoiding conflict often become the biggest roadblocks to intimacy, joy, and embodiment in adulthood.
They become default settings. And unless you pause to look at them, they become blind spots.
Shame: The Shadow’s Favourite Accessory.
Brené Brown’s research taught us that shame isn’t something we’re born with; it’s something we learn. Shame thrives in silence. And it’s one of the strongest forces that pushes our truth into hiding.
Here’s the difference:
- Guilt says, “I did something bad.”
- Shame says, “I am bad.”
Shame keeps us quiet. It makes us curl inward, avoid eye contact, and hide.
The body carries shame through sensation:
🔥 Flushed cheeks.
😣 A pit in your stomach.
🥶 Frozen limbs.
🫣 The desire to disappear.
And until we name it, it keeps our shadow locked in place.
My Story: Love, Shame & Spotify Stalking.
In one of my past relationships, I entered a deep shame spiral. We broke up and got back together too many times to count. During our "no contact" phase, I spiralled.
I googled things like:
- “How to get him back.”
- “Is he thinking about me?”
- “Male psychology after a breakup.”
I even stalked his Spotify activity. I’m not proud, but it’s real.
This experience wasn’t just heartbreak. It was my abandonment wound playing out in real time. My unworthiness screamed through every cell in my body. It physically hurt.
And that’s what the shadow does. It plays out our oldest stories while convincing us it’s “just how we are.”
Where Somatics Come In: Before the Brain.
So, how do we make the unconscious conscious? We start with the body.
Every experience you have enters through your nervous system before your brain even makes sense of it. Sensory data moves through your limbic system (your emotional brain) before it ever reaches the prefrontal cortex (your thinking brain).
If we skip the body, we skip the root.
This is why journaling or talk therapy alone may not be enough. You may understand what happened, but your body may still be holding on to unresolved energy.
We get stuck in the
“story loop”, thinking about our emotions instead of
feeling them. Somatic work interrupts that loop and invites the body back into the healing process.
Somatic Practices to Meet Your Shadow.
Here are five somatic tools you can use to begin working with your shadow:
1. Get Curious, Not Critical.
When you find yourself making judgments about yourself or others, get curious and investigate what might be behind the troublesome behaviour. Ask yourself:
✨ What part of me feels unloveable?
✨ What am I afraid that others will see?
✨ What behaviours do I judge in others that might live in me, too?
2. Track the Sensations of Shame.
Start noticing how shame shows up in your body. Tight jaw? Tense chest? Freezing or numbing? Naming these signals builds body awareness and interrupts the spiral.
3. Stay With It.
This practice is complex and powerful. Let yourself cry. Shake. Breathe. Move. Let the energy run through. You don’t have to analyze it. You just have to stay with it.
4. Soother With Love.
After the wave passes, offer care: A warm bath. A nourishing meal. A gentle hug. Call a friend. Let your body return to safety.
5. Share With Someone Safe.
Shame dissolves when it’s met with compassion. When you speak your truth in a safe, consensual space, your shadow softens. You integrate instead of exile.
Shadow Work Is Not Solo Work.
This work has shaped me, not just as a coach, but as a partner, friend, and woman. In my sessions, I don’t lead you around your shame. I walk with you through it. We meet the fear, the grief, and the tenderness together. We let the body speak. And we trust it knows the way.
There is so much waiting for you under the surface. And you don’t have to do it alone.
If this resonates, I invite you to explore somatic shadow work with me. Let’s walk the path together—with slowness, with breath, and with love.
Your shadow isn’t the problem. It’s the portal.
Ready to Begin?
If you’re curious about this work, the best way to know if it’s right for you is to simply try it. Book a free strategy call to share your goals, ask questions, and experience the connection. There’s no pressure, just presence. No performance, just permission.
Let’s explore what intimacy could feel like when your body leads the way.
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